To Someone

Dear Someone~

Wow. The time passed so quickly. It seems like nothing like that could ever happen to me again. I hate that feeling. The entire time was just amazing. There's no other word. Trust, me I've tried to find other words to describe what we had. There simply aren't any.
You were my boyfriend, best friend, everything. Sadly none of that exists any more. I wish it did. Any of it. To have that connection with you again would make everything easier for me. So why did it end? For obvious reasons of course.
I just wish you could still be my best friend. The problem with that is, best friends can trust each other. I can't trust you any more. Stupid things that happened two months ago did that to us. I hate that something so small can tear us apart... If I would've known sooner... Things would be different. We would still be best friends and you wouldn't feel like ****. I wish I could make you feel better about yourself, but I'm afraid there's nothing I can do any more. It's in your hands. But I suppose it's your fault you feel like ****, anyway.
I don't mean I'm blaming you for what happened. That wouldn't be fair. I mean that if you would've told me in the first place, you would've only felt like **** for a couple days instead of a couple months. Probably more. For all I know, you still feel terrible even though I told You I'm over it. And I am.
I wasn't actually upset about what happened. That wasn't really too bad. I'm upset that you thought you couldn't trust me to still be there for you. And I'm upset because I gave you my heart and my trust, which took a long time for me to give, you know that, and you broke both of them in one swoop.
Now it's only going to be harder for me to trust guys in the future. Before I didn't really have any reason to disbelieve or be afraid of giving away my heart and my trust, and it took me almost a month and a half for me to give them to you. Now I'm afraid how long it'll take for me to trust in the future.
I guess the thing that really kills me is that you were my absolute best friend. That girl, you know which one I'm talking about, who claims to be my best friend is far too shallow to be more than an aquaintance to anyone. And you... You were there for me in so many ways whenever I needed you. When that crap happened with my sister, you were there. We weren't even dating then, but you were there for me. When I just needed someone to remind me that I mattered, you made me feel like the most important person in the world. I'm sure you'll still be there for me, but it's just not the same.

The thing that killed me the most about all of this was that I loved you, but I couldn't tell you. Not because I didn't want to or because I had some mental block, but because the timing just wasn't right and it would only make everything even more complicated.

Maybe someday our paths will collide again.
I love you.

~Stargirl